Another thing I noticed was that it has been a while since I've done any consistent writing. Now, I have been writing, just not consistently. Instead I've been flopping around, reading, playing Darkout, and doing Grad School stuff. All of these things are important, but I really need to finish Hate Jacket. It's that Damacles sword hanging over my head. Reminding me that if I don't finish, I'll fail.
And then there's the fear. The fear of not necessarily failing, but of writing the story that NEEDS to be written. Hate Jacket is THAT story. It's not pretty. It's scary and not in a horror movie way. It's the kind of horror that only real life creates. It's not some hollywood monster grabbing at us when we walk alone, at night, with a faulty flashlight in the monster infested forest. No, this is the horror that comes from people making horrible decisions.
I'm allowing myself to write that story and it scares me.
This is not a bad thing. It's just a scary thing.
There is a difference. Unfortunately, when I get scared, I hide. I hide from the words. I hide from life. I disappear into books and games and try to ignore the words slamming around inside my brain.
A couple days ago, I forced myself to open my netbook and start working on revisions. It's still slow, but I'm getting there.
My #writemotivation goals for March are pretty shot at this point. I've done some reading and done a little revisions. I've posted a few motivational tweets for my friends. Been in a few DM conversations with some people who needed to vent.
That being said, I won't call this month a failure. I didn't accomplish my goals, but that doesn't make me a failure. It just means I have to work harder. Besides, there's still a week left to redeem myself. Right? Maybe? I think?
So here's some motivation from one of my favorite movies, Galaxy Quest. I think the mullet says it all.
p.s. On an awesome note, it looks like another short of mine will appear in Veux Magazine. I'll give more details when I know more.
Writing those types of stories are tough. Catalyst is definitely one of them, and while I'm definitely willing to write it, my trouble has been getting back into the characters heads after so much time.
ReplyDeleteSo, from experience, just let me tell you: Don't put off writing it, even if it's hard, for too long, or you won't remember where you wanted/needed to go with certain things.
*hugs* I know you can do it, Andrew. Don't let fear hold you back.
*hugs* Thank you. Hate Jacket is really teaching me so much. I'm learning to let myself write what needs to be written instead of trying to hide from it.
DeleteI'm having the same problem as Rebekah...getting back into the heads of my characters. Every time I sit down to attempt to do just that, life comes up and slaps me in the face. So, yeah. Don't worry about it. You're not a failure! Work on it when you can. Scary is hard. But I have faith! <3
ReplyDeleteBTW! Galaxy Quest FTW! TheBoy got to watch it over spring break! Yeah! Buddy! :)
Thanks! :D I need to introduce my kids to Galaxy Quest. It's so freaking awesome. Also, Alan Rickman.
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